Pilgrimage to San Juan

So its taken me 4 separate attempts to write this post. Why? I'm not sure- I think its because its hard for me to convey what I'm feeling. I usually manage, you know, italicize here and there, bold/CAPITALIZE when i want to get loud, you know- the usual. So if you can, try to understand.

On Wednesday I'm leaving to Mexico with one purpose. I am going on a religious pilgrimage.

Kinda out of the blue huh? Let me explain- Every year, at the end of January, there is a pilgrimage to the church of the virgin of San Juan de Los Lagos, in Jalisco, Mexico. People make promises to take the pilgrimage to San Juan to visit the Virgin of San Juan in exchange for a miracle. Sounds like a deal right? Well, technically yes. I know i make it sound like a physical exchange- like you are trading baseball cards, but its more like a test of faith. You have to have faith that what your praying for will come to fruition. And you have to really pray. You cant assume that you can pray once and all your worries will disappear- or you can leave it all up to God, without you doing everything you can before leaving the rest up to the Big Guy.

People make promises, or mandas, to make the 100+ kilometer pilgrimage (depending on what part of town you are coming from) to San Juan on foot, and depending on the magnitude of the persons faith or miracle, people complete their mandas barefoot, or carrying a child, or even on their knees. Let me explain. Some people pray for smaller things, or miracles, such as a mother praying for The Virgin to help her rebellious child finish high school, or for an estranged relationship to mend, Others pray for bigger things like a desperate couple trying to conceive after several miscarriages, or a husband praying for his wife to become cancer free. You see, you can pray for anything, you can pray for the simplest of things to the most impossible of things- Yet if you have faith that it will come to fruition, it will. Like i said, it may be hard for some of you to understand what I'm saying, or where I'm coming from, but please- try to understand.

Now that you know a little bit of the background. I can explain what my involvement in this. My mom has a manda to complete. So as soon as what she prayed for came to be, she wanted to complete her end of the promise. My sister Gaby, was supposed to travel with her to Mexico- since she doesn't like traveling on her own. But my sister is all knocked up now, she'd be about 33 weeks at the time when they were suppose to travel. So my mom asked me to accompany her in her travels- not in the manda.

Never did she expect me to complete the pilgrimage with her, nor did she ask me to do it. But I immediately started to think about it. I actually couldn't stop thinking about it. Gaby asked me right away- She wanted to know if i was doing the pilgrimage with ma or not. And i thought about. and i thought about it. and thought about it some more. I really didn't have a reason per say, to do it. But i couldn't stop thinking about it. I really wanted to do it- but i was scared. I was nervous. I got butterflies in my stomach every time i gave long thought to it. But along with the nervousness and butterflies, there was something inside of me that said, go ahead! Do it! C'mon! Do it! I started to think of what it would be like to experience such a pilgrimage with people, who in essence, had been saved by their faith. Even though i had no reason to do it, i felt like i was given this opportunity for a reason. I felt as if at the end of this pilgrimage something, i didn't know what, was going to be revealed to me (like an epiphany of sorts)- Like I was being called to do this- and by God's will, the sequence of events happened as they did, for my benefit.

So on Wednesday morning, around 3 am, my mom and i will make our way to Chicago to catch out 6 am flight to Mexico. As of now, we are scheduled to begin our pilgrimage on Thursday before dawn. Depending on how long we rest for, it will take us about 29 hours to complete our 52+ mile pilgrimage.

I know it wont be a walk in the park- pun intended- as it will be open terrain, gravel and dirt roads, mountains, hills and plenty of sloops, and some paved roads. I am confident that i will make it- many people don't on their first attempt. But i can say that i am, cowardly, afraid of the physical pain i will go through. But i am confident that i will make it.

If you pray, keep my mom and i in your prayers.

And in case you were wondering, I later found the purpose of my pilgrimage. And no honey- its not for the packers to win the Superbowl. I hope to be able to document my pilgrimage. As i write this... this butterfly in my stomach have eased, and now I'm onto a feeling of excitement.

I will be back in a week.

Sit tight boys and girls- when i come back, I'll walk you through my journey

Mending Signs

Its funny how God sends you signs. All.The.Time. Whether or not you choose to see them is a completely different story. As for me, i feel like Truman, everything is a clear sign... though I'm smarter, I recognize them.

I know a lot of people who have a lot of anger, pain and sadness in their hearts. And specially during the holidays, it fills me with a tremendous amount of sadness, when i realize how many people are O.K with living their lives this way. Maybe its me. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe its the fact that can (am) viewing things differently.

Forgive & Forget. Possibly the 2 hardest words in the English language. Some argue that you cant have one with out the other. Some people feel they can forget but never forgive. Or they say they have forgiven but cant let it go, forget. But why is it so hard? What is it in our nature that makes it impossible for us to do both?

Can you forgive someone with out them asking for forgiveness? Or do we feel cheated? Can people genuinely forgive someone? and at the same time forget or let go?

Sometimes i feel like people cant do both. Mainly, because people have the misconception that Forgiving is Forgetting. It is not. Forgetting is dismissing something from your mind; to stop remembering. Forgetting is being unable to remember, to forget to do something or leave behind unintentionally. Forgetting isn't Forgiving either. Forgetting is denial.

When i say forgive and forget i don't mean forget that it happened. Or forget the feelings or emotions that were felt. I mean forget it... let it go. I know it sounds hard, but by not letting go, you simply harm yourself. Many times, the person who hurt you... is no longer "there" emotionally, meaning this doesn't affect them anymore, they've moved past it. And you, well you, you are still living in the aftermath of whatever happened, you are still being eaten alive with pain, anger, sadness.

Forgiving some one is as important for yourself, as it is for the person you are forgiving. Can you forgive someone with out them asking for forgiveness? I have. But that is up for debate. Some people need acknowledgement or closure to their problems, which is an understandable request. But have you ever thought that perhaps the person who hurt, offended or sinned against you has such a tremendous amount of guilt that they are unable to face the problem? Or they sit on the other end of this problem/issue that came between you two, feeling the same way, looking for the courage to say the first word? Looking to mend your relationship. Just saying.


I leave you with this....

For if you forgive men when they sin against you,

 your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

 But if you do not forgive men their sins,

 your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15                             

I may have gotten the sign, But i hope you see the message.

Not My Will

You ever have those days-were its just your day? Sure! we've all found that close parking spot, or found a great deal, or an awesome pair of jeans on clearance and you think to yourself today is my lucky day!

Wednesday. all.day. was my day. I'm not going to say it was my lucky day, on Wednesday i felt God doing his work in my life. All of Wednesdays events were an act of God's will, and there is no doubt in my mind that God has bigger and better things for all of us, we just have to learn to see these things. Remember when i said that i don't talk about Religion, Money or Politics? Well today is your lucky day!

I am currently reading 2 books- one of them being "The Purpose Drive Life" by Dr. Rick Warren. I purchased them about 2 weeks ago. I was very eager to start reading it, but since i was fairly busy last week, I first picked it up on Tuesday night. In my mind, this book, that i hadn't even read a single word from was already changing my life. I was anxious to start reading it. I had been doing a lot of meditating and praying on the days leading up to the purchase of the book. I am only through the first 2 chapters, but i can feel this books affect- the ability to feel it, the understanding, the realization, the knowledge that comes with it.

I had been feeling all sorts of anxiousness. I've had so many things running through my head-  my education, my husband, my family, my faith, my career and so on. I have thought long and carefully about where I'm at and where i want to be. I know when I'm graduating, and everything i need to do to get there. I know where my career is going , and everything i need to get to my next promotion. I know where my family/husband life is at, and everything that i need to do to keep it healthy and balanced. Now when it comes down to my faith, i know where i am at, and where i want to be.

I have a tremendous amount of faith in my God. I trust in him blindly. I surrender to his will. I rejoice in all that he has given us. I have been humbled by his work in my life, all the good, all the bad, all the uncertainties- In everything.

But i want more. I want to feel his presence in my everyday life, just as i did on Wednesday. This might turn you off, but I'm am not 100% in agreement with organized religion. I don't always agree on all of the positions the 'church' takes on or against. What i do agree on is that God is good. That God is an omnipotent accepting and forgiving God. That God has a master plan for you and like the prayer, "Hagase TU voluntad aqui en la tierra como en el cielo" - His Will will come to fulfillment. That God is always there, even in your darkest hours. That God deserves your love unconditionally, the way he loves you.

And i want to grow in that. I want to grow in my individual faith. I want to set an example for those who are not there yet. I have very contradicting thoughts. I understand and accept the concept of evangelizing, but i don't believe in forcing God or specific beliefs on someone. We are here to spread his word, literally and/or by example. I know so many people who have been pushed away form religion by Cathoholics- those who are die hard religious, but cause more harm than good, intentionally or not. There are so many people who have the desire to have a relationship with God, but are not accepted by a religion because of the way they look, or who they love, or what they are not.

Back to the book,  A Purpose Driven Life, and its main concept-  Why am I here? What is my purpose? What on Earth am I here for? I think its time that more people start asking themselves this question. You might find that what you thought- isn't, and where you're going- is bigger than your big picture.

Don't mean to step on anyones toes, and this is why i usually don't discuss religion, money or politics, but after all this is my blog, and it is tittled Becoming Mrs.Juju, and  growing in faith helps me become a better Mrs.Juju.  Can i get an Amen?!